Jul 182006

“How do I know if she’s the one?”

Michael Lawrence, an associate pastor at Capitol Hill Baptist Church, writes that it is time to “Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend.” Although he is not as counter-culture as Josh Harris’ “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, his ideas are sound and probably more realistic in today’s society.

the unstated goal of the question is “How do I know if she’s the one … for me.”

The question frames the entire decision-making process in fundamentally self-oriented if not downright selfish terms. And it puts the woman on an extended trial to determine whether or not she meets your needs, fits with your personality, and satisfies your desires. It places you at the center of the process, in the role of a window-shopper, or consumer at a buffet. In this scenario you remain unexamined, unquestioned, and unassailable sovereign in your tastes and preferences and judgments.

The problem of course is that as a single Christian man, not only are you going to marry a sinner, but you are a sinner as well.

In the course of the article he will deal with, “So what’s a guy to do?”, “Ask the right questions”, “Think like a servant, not a consumer”, “Remember that love is never easy, “Remember that to commit does not mean to settle”, “Marry true beauty when you find it.”

Some other quotes from the article caught my attention:

So your goal should not be to date her long enough until you’re confident marriage won’t be hard, but to date her just long enough to discern if you’re willing to love her sacrificially, and if she’s willing to respond to that kind of love.


Does this mean you should just “settle” for the first Christian woman who comes along? No, not at all. You should be making this decision in light of the qualities held out in Scripture for a godly wife, and you should marry the godliest, most fruitful, most spiritually beautiful woman you can convince to have you.

HatTip to Tim @ Challies.com for recommending this great article.

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